Fic: Practically Married - (Cliché Bingo: Everyone Thinks We're Doing It) Merlin/Arthur Friendship

[epiphanyx7]

Title: Practically Married
Length: One-shot (2 464)
Rating: all ages
Summary: After his wife leaves him, Arthur is run ragged trying to take care of his twin sons Owain and Gawain. In order to help out, his best friend Merlin moves in with him. This takes place two years later, when for some reason, everyone seems to think that Merlin and Arthur are more than friends... which is rather ridiculous, isn't it?
Warnings: Mild language.
Notes: [[Written for Cliché Bingo 2009. Cliché: Everyone Thinks We're Doing It.]] I've a billion different AUs I wanted to write, and this was not one of them. So, I figured I'd just get it out of my system right off so that I could work on something else. Unbeta'd. Vaguely inspired by some scenes from "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" but definitely not based on that premise.

-

After waking up for the third time with the alarm shrieking in his ear, Merlin flopped over, shoved at Arthur's arm that had somehow managed to trap him during the night, and then crawled miserably out of bed. It was five sodding thirty in the morning, he should not have to be awake, it was horribly unfair.

He stumbled downstairs to witness Owain and Gawain, both looking surprisingly awake for ten-year-olds, both dressed (rather messily) and slumped in front of the kitchen table, heads on their arms. "Morning," he grumbled as he started the coffeepot and tried to remember how to make breakfast for two little boys.

They were uncharacteristically silent, but then again, they were also up at a ridiculous time, so Merlin wasn't really all that surprised. "Pancakes?" He suggested, and their surprised nods led him to believe that Arthur usually sent them off to the rink with only a glass of toast and a piece of milk - wait, that wasn't right - a bowl of toast?

It was too early to be awake, Merlin thought, and poured himself some coffee.

-

Arthur and Merlin walked to the office most days, ostensibly because it was more environmentally friendly (but in reality, traffic was so backed up by the time they needed to leave, it was actually faster to walk the eleven blocks to the office). Nadine greeted them warmly, Merlin placed a cup of coffee on her desk as a thank-you (anybody who had agreed to be Arthur's secretary got special treatment from Merlin, because otherwise they were likely to hand in their two-weeks notice on their first day of work) and then they parted ways in front of Arthur's office door.

"I've a meeting at four-thirty," Merlin said, yawning a bit. "So you'll have to pick the boys up and make dinner, yeah?"

"I haven't forgotten," Arthur said irritably.

"I know, I just - don't try and make anything too complicated."

"I know how to make spaghetti,"

"You put the can of sauce in the oven, last time - Arthur, you can't blame me for being a bit hesitant about letting you cook."

Arthur laughed. "I'll take them out for fish and chips, then, if that meets with your approval?"

"See you after dinner," Merlin muttered.

"I'll save you some chips," Arthur called after him.

Nadine smiled at Merlin as he punched the elevator button. "Have a good day, dear," She said.

"You too, Nads - and don't let him drive you insane just yet." Merlin waved cheerfully.

-

When he arrived home at eight, exhausted and ready to fall over, Merlin half-expected the house to be on fire.

Instead, he found Arthur and the kids in the living room with popcorn kernels scattered around the carpet, playing MarioKart on the Wii. "Hey," He said, pausing to ruffle Owain's hair and give Gawain a kiss on the top of his head (he pulled away and made a face like he always did, but he still didn't tell Merlin to stop) and then flopping down beside Arthur and burying his face in Arthur's neck.

"Bad day?"

"I'm beat," Merlin said, and then he sprawled on the floor and reached for the mostly-empty bowl of popcorn.

-

When Merlin woke up, the sun was shining and Arthur wasn't in the bed - which was unusual, and the clock on the bedside table said 11:21. Panic threatened to overwhelm him for a moment, and then Merlin remembered that it was Saturday, the kids didn't have any lessons today, and because he'd taken them to the rink on Friday that meant it was Arthur's turn to make them breakfast.

He stumbled down the stairs, a little bit cold wearing just his pajama bottoms, scrubbing the back of his hand over his face in a desperate attempt to wake up. There was no one in the kitchen (but there was a pot of coffee on, so Arthur hadn't forgotten about him) so Merlin grabbed a mug and wandered to the living room, which was also suspiciously empty.

"Where is everyone?" He called, and then he turned around to see Morgana standing in the doorway, hair windswept and her eyebrows near her hairline.

"Hullo, Merlin," she said, slowly.

"Morgana," He grinned at her and took a large swallow of coffee, which helped with the confusion. "Where's Arthur? If he's taking the kids off for the day he usually leaves me a note."

"Um," She said. "Merlin - I suppose I've been a bit oblivious about all of this, but... I checked the guest bedroom and you weren't there, so I assumed you weren't around. Arthur took the boys out for ice cream an hour ago, said he was going to stop by the park and let them run 'round until they dropped." She paused for a moment. "You - um. You weren't sleeping in the guest room."

Which should have been obvious, actually, Merlin never slept in the guest room, and he refused to until Arthur made good on his promise to replace the mattress with something that didn't kill his back. "Yeah," Merlin nodded. He wistfully thought about ice cream, wishing he'd been up a bit earlier. "Have you eaten, Morgana? I could use some company," and he walked back towards the kitchen. Morgana followed him uncertainly.

-

His third up of coffee was a bit of wonderful, hitting the spot in exactly the right way. Merlin leaned back and smiled at Morgana, who blushed and then stopped talking. "I talk about Gwen a lot, really, but it's just that she's so wonderful ---" she said. "I'd thought - perhaps, if Arthur was still looking for someone, that he could hire her to look after the boys, pick up a little around the house."

"We're doing all right, actually," Merlin said. "Owain's not so quiet as he was, and Gawain's not acting out in school--- although, I guess the idea of having someone around to make sure laundry gets done and whatnot isn't so bad,"

The look on Morgana's face was so funny that he had to stop and ask her about it. "What is going on, Morgana? Why do you look so...?"

"I feel like an idiot," Morgana said.

"Why?"

"For not noticing - I mean, everyone else has surely noticed. Six months after his wife leaves and you just move in as if you belong here---"

Bristling, Merlin interrupted, "I do belong here--"

"I know!" Morgana waved her hands around in a frighteningly eloquent show. "You fit in perfectly, and you manage to make Arthur smile and Owain happy and Gawain quiet down, and here you are walking around in Arthur's house shirtless and domestic and I suppose I just feel like an idiot for not realizing earlier."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Merlin said. "At all."

"You and Arthur,"

Merlin stared at her. "What about me and Arthur?"

-

Gwen was, as Morgana had enthused, an absolutely wonderful person. She managed to get chores done while also doing other chores, and somehow always had a moment to stop and talk. Arthur, who had protested the need to hire a housekeeper, grudgingly apologised to Merlin after only three hours, when Gwen located his keys underneath a pile of grocery receipts and dirty socks.

-

"Look, I don't suppose you could watch the boys for a bit tomorrow?" Merlin mumbled, half-collapsed on the couch. "It's been a long week, I want to have a lie-in tomorrow."

Gwen was silent, so Merlin pried his eyes open and tried his best to pout. "I'll make them promise to be on their best behaviour," he added.

When Gwen still didn't respond, Merlin pulled himself off of the couch and looked at her. "Gwen?"

She looked up and smiled. "Merlin!' She said, too loudly, then pulled her headphones off. "I was just doing a bit of dusting - how long have you been there?"

Laughing, he threw himself back onto the couch. "I wanted to know if you could watch the boys for a bit in the morning," he called. "I want to lie in a bit."

"Yeah," Gwen nodded. "I'll come in early and make breakfast, too, but you're going to have to give me next Thursday off. I have a date!"

-

Saturday morning came bright and early. Merlin flopped over, stole his pillow back from Arthur, and promptly fell asleep.

-

He thought he heard the door open, but he was busy sleeping, so he ignored it and tried to turn over. Arthur, who managed to be the grabbiest person in the entire world when he was asleep, pulled him back, and Merlin twisted around so he could bury his face in his pillow (when had Arthur stolen it, anyway?) without dislodging the arm Arthur had wrapped around his waist.

"Stop moving," Arthur mumbled, resting his head on Merlin's shoulder.

"Shut up," Merlin sighed. And then he fell back asleep.

-

"Wait --" Merlin said, feeling a little bit confused. "Why are you so upset about this?"

"Arthur's on a date!" Morgana yelled. "With some woman named Sophia!"

"You really shouldn't yell, it's bad for your blood pressure."

"Why in the hell would you let Arthur go off with this woman?" Morgana demanded. "What in heaven's name made you think that was a good idea?"

"I thought you would be happy he's finally met someone he likes," Merlin said, shrugging. "It's been a while since he's been interested in any women, honestly, so I figured---"

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing, I just--"

"And what about you?" She continued. "Is Arthur just going to give you up, everything you've done for him, just to go galavanting across the countryside with some debutante bitch?"

"She's quite nice, actually---"

"Do Owain and Gawain like her?" Morgana asked, a little meanly. "Do they want her to be their new mommy, is Arthur going to just replace---"

"Just shut up, Morgana!" Merlin yelled. "Maybe I just want Arthur to be happy, yeah? So if he's happy with Sophia then you can just shut the hell up and let him be happy, okay? He deserves it."

There must have been something in his expression because Morgana stopped talking and nodded, then she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "Maybe I just want you to be happy, too," she murmured, and Merlin felt an ache in his chest because he had absolutely no idea what she meant.

He was happy.

-

"Wait," Arthur said, staring at first Gwen, and then Morgana, and then Lancelot, and Uther - for heaven's sake, had everyone lost their minds. "Is this about Sophia, or about Merlin? You've lost me."

"It's about Merlin," Morgana said at the same time that Gwen said "It's about Sophia," and then they both looked at him rather pointedly.

"You don't want me to see Sophia anymore, because it will make Merlin unhappy, even though Merlin told me himself that he likes her?" Arthur said. "Because he's lying about being happy but not lying about liking her, and for the love of Christ, will someone here even try to make a sodding lick of sense?"

"You've been with that boy for almost two years now," Uther thundered, quite possibly the first time he'd spoken since the group appeared at Arthur's doorstep and insisted on some sort of intervention.

"Wait, what?"

"And it's done you a lot of good, even though I don't really approve of that sort of thing," Uther continued. "But the fact of the matter is, we can't see this relationship with Sophia going anywhere, and Merlin deserves better treatment from you. If you want to end it with him, by all means do so, but you could at least try for something a bit more dignified than up and telling him you've met some woman---"

"Wait," Arthur said, "Me and Merlin? You think Merlin and I -- You all think we're - together?"

"Arthur," Morgana said patiently. "We know you're together. You've been living together for almost two years. He sleeps in your bed. Your kids call him 'Mum', and you take vacations together all the time---"

"Merlin?" Arthur repeated. "Merlin and I? You think we're - dating?"

"You two are practically married," Uther grumbled. "Don't think it hasn't been going 'round the office, either, because that secretary of yours keeps telling anyone who'll listen..."

-

"Oh," Merlin said, his eyes going really round as Arthur explained to him just what had happened earlier. "An intervention? Is that why Morgana was being all crazy?"

"Apparently," Arthur hissed. "I am so much a prat that they all think I'd just -- use you and then break your heart, or something."

"Oh, please," Merlin rolled his eyes and stripped off his tie and jacket, throwing them over a chair so Gwen would take them to the cleaner's in the morning. "As if you'd ever be so callous!"

"I know!" Arthur agreed. "Honestly, it's like they don't know me at all." He pulled back the covers and climbed in, pulling Merlin's pillow over and putting it on top of his own.

Merlin shook his head, tossing the rest of his clothes onto the chair. "They really don't," he said absently as he pulled on his pajama bottoms and one of Arthur's old shirts, so worn it felt like air. "I tried to explain to them, you know," he said. "We're best mates, you and I - but it's not like that."

"So did I,"

"And they looked at me like I was crazy," Merlin mumbled, yawning as he climbed into the bed. "And told me that I deserved better,"

"As if you could find better," Arthur scoffed as Merlin tried to steal his pillow back. "Will you stop flailing about?"

"Stop stealing my pillow," Merlin retorted, flopping down onto his side, facing Arthur. "I have no idea why everyone's got it in their heads that we--"

"I have no idea either," Arthur said, yanking Merlin's pillow towards him so that they could share. "Why are you wearing this?" He tugged at the fabric covering Merlin's arms. "Are you cold?"

"A little?"

"Too bad," Arthur decided, manhandling Merlin over so he could pull the shirt off of him. "I hate when you wear those things to bed, you know."

"It's a shirt, Arthur," Merlin protested, but he didn't bother fighting to get it back. "Lots of people wear them to bed."

"Not you," Arthur said, turning off the light. And then he wrapped his arm around Merlin's waist, resting his head on Merlin's chest so that he could hear his heartbeat. "Good night."

"Night, Arthur," Merlin mumbled, his fingers running gently through Arthur's hair as he pulled the blankets up over them.

-

Comments

[From: archaeologist_d]

That was cool. For once, Arthur and Merlin were best friends and not lovers. I liked how they seemed to be married in every way but one. Well done.

[From: epiphanyx7]

Thank you! I enjoyed writing them both as completely oblivious to what everyone else thinks of their relationship - they really are just friends, here, even though they're very close.

[From: ipodgirly.livejournal.com]

You have to do a sequel to this!!!! With more than friendship!! Please? This was adorable!!!

[From: epiphanyx7]

I'll think about it -- right now, I'm working on a prequel *headdesk*.

I'm glad you liked it, though!

[From: eos-rose.livejournal.com]

I was waiting for them to clue in to the fact that they WERE married to each other and laughed insanely when they were being all domestic and cuddly at the end and STILL didn't get it. In my mind, they eventually come around. Does Sophia know how her man sleeps? I know I wouldn't be cool with my boyfriend cuddling with another man at night, whether he claims the 'just friends' line or not... *shakes head*

[From: epiphanyx7]

Well, Arthur only went out with Sophia a handful of times before they put a stop to that, so I don't think she knew about his sleeping arrangements. I can't imagine ANY woman saying "Right, darling, you go home and sleep in the same bed as your male best friend who you have a completely platonic relationship with..." and Sophia would definitely not be an exception.

Eventually, yes, they DO figure out that they really are together. It just takes them a long time.

Thank you for commenting!

[From: itachitachi]

THIS IS THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. *cries a little* :) ♥

[From: epiphanyx7]

Awww! I'm glad you liked it <3

[From: tarotcard]

~Blinks and picks her own ass up from the ground~ huh.. must've fallen off from all that laughing I did...

~Grin~ Loved it~!

[From: epiphanyx7]

Thank you!

[From: srin]

Oh, boys, so oblivious! I really like the fact that they're both perfectly happy the way things are, not secretly angsting or pining away, just really sweet and close.

[From: epiphanyx7]

Secretly angsting can be fun, but none of that here. I'm sure that when they finally figure it out, things will go smoothly. Until then, they will continue to be incredibly confused as to why people think they're together. Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

[From: saya]

OMG! It's perfect, and the last part... LOL, where they go to bed together all cuddy and they speak like: WE AREN'T LIKE THAT:

noeh you are noooot *sarcasm*

[From: epiphanyx7]

Well, they're not DATING or anything. Clearly, they skipped the dating and the awkwardness and the angst and the sex and went straight to the old-married-couple part of their relationship, so eventually they're going to have to backtrack and get to the parts they missed.

But yes. They may not know it yet, but they really ARE like that.

I'm glad you liked it!

[From: kathkin.livejournal.com]

This is utterly adorable.
The ending made me squee. : D

[From: epiphanyx7]

Thank you! I'm happy you liked it enough to squee.

[From: (Anonymous)]

I love how it's so easy for the misconceptions to form, and how well Merlin and Arthur interact with each other. I would love to see more, with both of them starting to think about taking the final step (i.e. romance/sex) to their 'marriage', and also to see what Gawain and Owain think about it XD

[From: miarrow]

Hahaha. A bowl of toast. Merlin is obviously as much of a morning person as I am. Love.

Which should have been obvious, actually, Merlin never slept in the guest room, and he refused to until Arthur made good on his promise to replace the mattress with something that didn't kill his back.

I don't know why this is plausible to me, but it just is. I can totally see a logical and put together Merlin falling for this nefarious or unintentional scheme on Arthur's part.

Oh and Morgana being overprotective of Merlin and hugging him makes my heart ache a little in a good way. Bless them. I love when Morgana and Merlin are friends in AUs (I also bet Gwen was sexy as hell vacuuming with headphones).

I kind of love how stupid they both are. It's oddly endearing.

This was just shy of crack fic, really, but it was very cute.

[From: epiphanyx7]

Ironically, the "glass of toast" was a typo on my part, which I found so hilariously funny (that's EXACTLY what I'm like in the morning) that I left it in and expanded on it.

I was kind of sad that there wasn't as much Gwen in this story as I'd like -- she's fairly awesome. But she is definitely adorable, and fantastic, and so on and so forth. Morgana and Merlin friendship is one of my favourite things to read, so I'm glad I wrote it in a way you could enjoy.

<3 Thank you for commenting!

[From: mcgooglykins]

This was lovely! Aw it was just so sweet *hugs fic*. I wish it weren't a one-shot - I have a feeling I could absolutely fall in love with this 'verse. :)

[From: epiphanyx7]

Well I am working on a prequel right now... I really enjoyed this story so much that I'm trying to expand on it. If that's the case, you may have more to look forward to!

Thank you for commenting. I am glad you liked it!

[From: (Anonymous)]

Maybe they're asexual? Even for boys they're unusually oblivious...

I really enjoyed this, though, and if they're going to have sex I'll definitely come back and read it!

tetsubinatu

[From: karmicunderpath]

ahahah please write more of this!

[From: epiphanyx7]

I'll try!

Thanks for the comment!

[From: emeraldteal]

I actually loved Chuck and Larry, so this was great! They're so cute. *pinches both boys*

[From: epiphanyx7]

I own that movie -- and I absolutely love it, even though the premise makes me angry (like, straight people can have marriages of convenience, but gay people can't?)

But yes, these boys are adorable. I love them both so much!

Thanks for your comment!

[From: alexi_lupin]

Oh, I loved this! They're both so obliviously adorable!!

And they're SO married, it's wonderful! The way they're so thoughtful of each other, and so much on the same wavelength, and so domestic together, it's precious. :)

I'd love to see anything more from this 'verse if you were so inclined. :P

[From: epiphanyx7]

They really ARE married! It's no wonder that everyone else thinks they are.

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

[From: (Anonymous)]

Hee! Awesome bit of cuteness. And I am a sucker for perplexed ensemble casts.

"It's about Merlin," Morgana said at the same time that Gwen said "It's about Sophia," and then they both looked at him rather pointedly.

Ohhh Gwen and Morgana, never change. :)

[From: watersword]

So I'll just be over here, and my ass will be over there, because I have laughed it off. Oh, BOYS.

[From: epiphanyx7]

I'm glad you liked it!

[From: (Anonymous)]

This is just lovely. I was waiting for them to realise and then they didn't and I was kinda glad.

[From: (Anonymous)]

I'm usually one of those lurker types of people who go around reading fics and never commenting, but this was just too wonderful to pass it by.

Is this really a cliche? I don't think I've read anything like this, where they don't actually end up making out at the end, and I love it because it's different but it's still got the slashy goodness to it.

...that isn't to say I wouldn't love to read a sequel where they DO make out in the end, of course. ;D

- cattuccino (don't like leaving stuff anonymous.)

[From: yorkshirewench]

OMG, that was so precious. I thought at the end there that they were going to realise their feelings for each other. I kinda wanted them to but the fic is utterly adorable regardless. Still, I wouldn't say no to a sequel where they do finally get a clue. ;)

Fantastic story - looking forward to the prequel!

[From: epiphanyx7]

Ahaha, I was TRYING to write them finally realizing their feeling to each other... but then they continued being rather oblivious. If they're this thick, it might take it a while, but eventually they'll get there. Thank you for your wonderful comment!

[From: (Anonymous)]

Aww! Hee! I love the fact that everybody jumped all over Arthur and gave him the "You are such a heel" speech, even Uther! And honestly, how oblivious can they get?! "Stop stealing my pillow," "Don't wear a shirt to bed." I don't know whether to hug them or smack their heads together! Will you be doing a sequel?

[From: tavella]

Oh dear. How to confuse your friends and co-workers. "I have a lot of good friends, Merlin, I do not *sleep in the same bed with them*!"

One wonders if they'll ever clue :)

[From: epiphanyx7]

One can only hope -- although, given the evidence, it'll take something spectacular to make either one of them figure it out.

Thank you for commenting!

[From: rane_ab]

Ahahaha, this is completely hilarious. And cute. :D I love all the touching that's going on between them, it's almost better than kissing/porn (though I you ever end up writing that sequel, it would definitely make me happy! :o)).

[From: epiphanyx7]

I'm glad you enjoyed reading it! I myself have quite a fondness for cute/cuddly instead of porny, on occasion. I think this is even more fun because they're cuddly but not romantic, which is one of my favourite things in the universe.

[From: (Anonymous)]

Your kids call him 'Mum'

I read that line and I just about died! I love this story SSSSOOO MUCH!!! I'm really looking forward to a continuation of this universe, maybe from the boys' point of view?

[From: nagi-schwarz.livejournal.com]

This is precisely the type of Merlin+Arthur I love to see. I enjoyed it immensely.

[From: epiphanyx7]

I'm glad to hear that! Thank you :)